Sexual dissatisfaction can occur in any relationship. We maintain a satisfying sex life by self-disclosing to our partners what it is we desire. A common reason for the occurrence of dissatisfying sexual relations is that often times we misinterpret or misperceive what it is our partners actually desire to reach complete satisfaction. A couple’s sexual performance script is likely affected by a host of factors, including each member’s ideal sexual script, understanding of the partner’s sexual script, and perceptions of the cultural role scripts.
The final, and perhaps most damaging, reason couples fall into the 20 Percent Club is involvement in pornography on the part of one or both partners.
The study bolsters some anecdotal evidence that men's porn use can shake the self-esteem of their girlfriends or wives, though certainly not all couples have conflicts over pornography, said study researcher Destin Stewart, a clinical psychology intern at the University of Florida.
A survey conducted by researchers at New York University found that men who watched an excessive amount of porn were more likely to suffer from sexual dysfunction, or simply put, any problem that inhibits sexual satisfaction.
As reported by Nathaniel Lambert and others in a review of studies, women whose partners watched porn regularly thought less of those partners and saw porn as more of a threat to the stability of their relationship.
Out of 335 married men, 22% were found to watch porn prior to having sex with their partners while 28% prefered masturbation over sexual intercourse.
Men who were sexually discontented reported the highest rates of masturbation, and showed the strongest relationship between frequency of partnered sex and masturbation. Sexually discontented men who had no sex recently reported high rates of masturbation (79%), compared to only 60% in men who had had sex four or more times.
Devastatingly, there are a number of cases where the wife tearfully reported that her husband preferred to masturbate to pornography than to make love to her.
Not only does porn present a higher level of sexual excitement than married sex, it also allows a man to have sex on his terms. Porn is always available, never too busy and always inviting. It doesn't criticize, doesn't require foreplay or patience, isn't dependent on "feeling close" and never has a headache. When a guy is engaged in this type of sexual outlet, his sexuality becomes centered on his immediate needs and demands. The prospect of working through the messy issues of marital intimacy is pretty unattractive.
Any man who is suffering from porn-induced sexual dysfunction, regardless of whether he is addicted to porn, should step away from porn for at least a few months. Anecdotal evidence suggests that this helps the brain and body to “reboot,” and eliminates the sexual dysfunction in ways that erection-enhancing medications cannot.
Regrettably, porn addicts are often reluctant to seek help for their addiction and/or its symptomatic sexual dysfunction. Sometimes they just don’t understand that their solo sexual activity is an underlying cause of their inability to perform sexually with real-world partners.